


Dear Santa

by Laurawrzz



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Crack, Emails, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 10:06:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/596459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurawrzz/pseuds/Laurawrzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Documenting a series of "umails" from the Doctor and the Daleks to Santa, asking him not to get the other one presents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Santa

**Author's Note:**

> I... just don't know. I have now completely lost it. I need a psychiatrist.
> 
> Merry Christmas! :D

**To:** Santa Claus ( santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks ( daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **CC:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **Date:** 14th December 2008  
  
DEAR SANTA  
  
WE WOOD LYK TO SAAAAY THAT YOOOU SHOOD NOT GET THE DOKTAH A PREZENT THIS YEEEEAR!!! HE HAS BEEEN VEEERY BAAAD AND STOPPED OUR PLAAANZ FOUR TIMEZ THIS MONTH! DON’T GET HIM ANYFING!!!!  
  
FROM THE DAAAARLEKS  
  
\-----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **CC:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 14th December 2008  
  
Dear Santa,  
  
The Doctor here! Just to let you know; the Daleks were planning to take over Earth a total of eight times that month, which isn’t nice I think you’ll agree. And me being as brilliant as I am, managed to foil their eight plans by only foiling four of their plans – which doesn’t really matter… But either way, they’re the ones who shouldn’t be getting any presents. They can’t even spell.  
  
From the Doctor  
  
\-----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **CC:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **Date:** 14th December 2008  
  
DEAR SANTA  
  
WE IN FACT HAD 9 PLAAAANZ TO TAKE OVAR EAAARTH! THE LAAAST OOOONE HE DIDENT FIGURRRRE OUUUT!  
  
AND WE AR GUD SPELLAAAARS!!!  
  
FROM THE DAAAARLEKS  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **CC:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 15th December 2008  
  
Dear Santa,  
  
That last plan didn’t much matter in the end since it never actually happened. Besides, I could have easily foiled that plan had it turned out to actually work (which it didn’t, because it was rubbish).  
  
From the Doctor  
  
PS: They can’t even spell their own name.  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **CC:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **Date:** 15th December 2008  
  
DEAR SANTA  
  
DAAAARLEKS DAAAARLEKS DAAAARLEKS DAAAARLEKS DAAAARLEKS DAAAARLEKS  
  
FROM THE DAAAARLEKS DAAAARLEKS DAAAARLEKS DAAAARLEKS DAAAARLEKS  
  
PS: THIZ IS HOW YOO SPELL DAAAARLEK  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **CC:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 15th December 2008  
  
Dear Santa,  
  
I rest my case.  
  
From the Doctor  
  
\---------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **CC:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **Date:** 18th December 2008  
  
Dear Santa,  
  
Hello to you, good friend, ‘tis a fine day! Egads, we Daleks have joy, for the day is young and the nights are beautiful. Let us grant you with an offer of great revel! Perchance should you drop by pur humble abode, we shall be baking flapjacks, cookies and all things tasty for our annual Christmas celebration feast on winter solstice. Many have come to complement our bakery, for we Daleks are the kindest creatures of them all. Everyone is welcome to our Christmas party with arms of embrace – but not the Doctor.  
  
From the Daleks  
  
PS: Do not get the Doctor any presents.  
  
\-----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **Date:** 18th December 2008  
  
Dear Santa,  
  
Hold on just a tick.  
  
From the Doctor  
  
\-----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 19th December 2008  
  
DEAR SANTA  
  
EXTEEEERMINATE!!! NO PREZENTS FOR THE DOKTAH! EXTEEEERMINATE!!! HE HAZ ROOOOOINED OUR PLAAAAANZ AGAYN! EXTEEEEERMINATE!!!  
  
FROM THE DAAAARLEKS  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **CC:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 14th December 2008  
  
Dear Santa,  
  
Apologies in the delay of writing to you again – turned out the Daleks had abducted a renowned author and were forcing him to spell their letters correctly for them. I can’t imagine why – perhaps that they aren’t very good speellers.  
  
From the Doctor  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **CC:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **Date:** 19th December 2008  
  
DEAR SANTA  
  
HAHAHAHA THE DOKTAH CARRRRN’T SPELL SPELLARS!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
FORM THE DAAAARLEKS  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **CC:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 19th December 2008  
  
Dear Santa,  
  
I apologise for the typo! Only a pepperpot-shaped spelling Nazi would have picked up on it, I’m sure.  
  
From the Doctor  
  
\-----------  
  
 **To:** All contacts (4618): General Staal (staaltheundefeated@defeated.son); Davros (kingdavros@davrosisgreat.sk); Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np); The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who) **[see more]**  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 20th December 2008  
  
DEAR FRIENDS  
  
WE INVYTE YOO TO OUUUR KRISTMAS PAAARTY TOMOROW! COME EAAT AND SELLYBRATE ON SKAAARO 4 OCLOCK!!! EVERYOOONE WILL BE LET IIIIN! BUT NOT THE DOKTAH! NO DOKTAH! HE WILL BE EXTEEEEERMINATED!  
  
FROM THE DAAAARLEKS  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Selected contacts: Universal News (newsdesk@un.uni); Anti Dalek Federation (info@deathtodaleks.uni); Petition Against Daleks (sign@pad.uni); Davros Stinks (stinks@prawn.uni)  
 **From:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **Date:** 20th December  
  
Sounds like fun! Pity I can’t go.  
  
From the Doctor  
  
 **Forwarded message from:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk):  
  
DEAR FRIENDS  
  
WE INVYTE YOO TO OUUUR KRISTMAS PAAARTY TOMOROW! COME EAAT AND SELLYBRATE ON SKAAARO 4 OCLOCK!!! EVERYOOONE WILL BE LET IIIIN! BUT NOT THE DOKTAH! NO DOKTAH! HE WILL BE EXTEEEEERMINATED!  
  
FROM THE DAAAARLEKS  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 22th December 2008  
  
DEAR SANTA  
  
THE DOKTAH TOLDE OUR ENEMYYYYS ABOUT THE PAAAARTAY! WE AAAARE NEARLY ALL DEEEAD!!! NO PREZENT FOR DOKTAH! EXTEEERMINATE HIM! EXTEEEERMINATE!  
  
FORM THE DAAAARLEKS  
  
PS: WHARE WERE U?!?  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 22th December 2008  
  
WHY DIDENT YOO COOOOME?!  
  
\---------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 22th December 2008  
  
HEELO?!  
  
\--------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 23rd December 2008  
  
ARE U THAAAARE  
  
\--------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 23th December 2008  
  
PLEEZE ARRRRNSER!!  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** All contacts (9999999+): The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk); The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who); General Staal (staaltheundefeated@defeated.son); Davros (kingdavros@davrosisgreat.sk) **[see more]**  
 **From:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **Date:** 24th December 2008  
  
THIS IS AN AUTOMATED UMAIL – IT WILL NOT BE REPLIED TO!  
  
What would you like for Christmas? J  
  
Love Santa  
  
\---------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** General Staal (staaltheundefeated@defeated.son)  
 **Date:** 24th December 2008  
  
I would like a new novelty hat!!!  
  
From General Staal  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** Davros (kingdavros@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 24th December 2008  
  
Some Lady Gaga CDs, thank you.  
  
From Davros  
  
\---------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **Date:** 24th December 2008  
  
Nothing, I’m fine.  
  
From the Doctor  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 24th December 2008  
  
DEAR SANTA  
  
YOOU ARENT THERE!!! YOUR NOT REAL!!! WERRRRE DELEEEETING YOOOOO!!!  
  
FROM THE DAAAARLEKS  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** General Staal (staaltheundefeated@defeated.son)  
 **Date:** 25th December 2008  
  
Thank you for my hat! I am now a cowboy!  
  
From General Staal  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** Davros (kingdavros@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 25th December 2008  
  
Thank you! Just Dance is my favourite song!  
  
From Davros  
  
\------------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **Date:** 25th December 2008  
  
Thank you, Santa.  
  
From the Doctor  
  
\-----------  
  
 **To:** Selected Contacts: The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who); The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **From:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **Date:** 25th December 2008  
  
Dear the Doctor and the Daleks,  
  
Santa, here. Just a quick note to let you know that I haven’t had any time to read through these umails as there are so many. It is a busy time for me at the moment as you well know, so I won’t read them. If it’s anything important, please do call me on my vone.  
  
In the meantime, Merry Christmas!  
  
Love Santa  
  
\-----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 25th December 2008  
  
DEAR SANTA  
  
WHATS YOURE NUMBAAAAR?! WEEERE SORRY WE DIDN’T BELIEEEEVE IN YOOOU!!! WE WAAAANT NEEW GUUUNS!  
  
THE DAAAARLEKS  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 27th December 2008  
  
DEAR SANTA  
  
WE WAAAANT NEEW GUUUNS! WOTS YOUR NUMBAH?!  
  
THE DAAAARLEKS  
  
\----------  
  
 **To:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **From:** The Daaaarleks (daaaarlekzrule@davrosisgreat.sk)  
 **Date:** 29th December 2008  
  
SANTAAAA!!!  
  
\---------  
  
 **To:** Selected Contacts: Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np); Alistair Lethbridge-Stewart (a.lethbridge.stewart@unit.gov.uk); Sarah Jane Smith (sarah@mrsmith.co.uk); Jack Harkness (perfectleader@torchwood.co.uk) **[see more]**  
 **From:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **Date:** 29th December 2008  


You are cordially invited to attend the wedding of  
The Doctor  
and  
Rose Tyler  
on Friday 30th January 2009  
Solux 9 Harmony Park  
2 o’clock  
Followed by reception  
Transport will be provided  
  
RSVP by umail

  
\-----------

 **To:** The Doctor (theoneandonly@tardis.who)  
 **From:** Santa Claus (santa.claus.work.mail@lapland.np)  
 **Date:** 29th December 2008  
  
Dear Doctor,  
  
I’m glad you liked the present. I’ll be there.  
  
Love Santa


End file.
